Wednesday, July 16, 2014

The Difference Between Denial and Delusion (and being the solution)

I wanted to post this because so many people don't seem to understand this. A few decades ago, the therapy world tried to start using "appropriate sounding language" for inappropriate actions, as if that makes it okay. My point is that - saying that instead of "blaming someone" that I now "hold them accountable for" the same actions, doesn't change what you are actually doing. Why? Let's look up the word blame:
"...blame  [bleym] verb (used with object), blamed, blam·ing.
1. to hold responsible; find fault with; "
In other words, it doesn't matter what language you use, your actions are (speaking louder than words) what people judge your behavior by.
So, back to the point of this post. Today I once again see people acting surprised that "conservatives" are acting 1) selfishly, 2) self centeredly, 3) angrily towards others for no reason, and 4) irrationally. It seems to escape people that selfishness is like a mental condition that grips some people so completely that they are caught in the grips of a complete state of what is easy to describe, DELUSION. Are you with me so far?
You can hear people like that when they are lying to you and themselves, when you confront them, start laughing and then straighten up to give you their best defense line, "Well, you know...", to which we all should be shouting back at the top of our lungs, "NO, I DON'T KNOW THAT AND YOU DON'T EITHER, YOU ARE JUST A SELFISH ASSHOLE!" But, being the type of people who are basing things on rational fair play and not wanting to lower ourselves to their level, we don't confront them. I will explain the solution to this, later.
Now, the therapy world, several decades ago, came up with something that sounded good to someone who was dealing with addiction and alcoholism, that one has a choice to be free of those because it is just a matter of being "IN DENIAL". The actual "Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous" was written by actual alcoholics and a couple doctors who describe the disease as being a physical allergy coupled with a state of DELUSION.
Here we go, follow along here:
A) BEING IN DENIAL is looking at a problem and saying to yourself that, "Yes, that's a problem, but I don't want to face that. I do now want to, nor need to look at that, and I refuse to look at that."
BEING IN A STATE OF DELUSION is looking at the problem and not seeing it as a problem (For whatever reason.).
In a state of delusion, you can see the problem as something you want and start believing you need more of the problem or perhaps see the problem as YOUR SOLUTION.
Delusion as I have said many times, as described in the dictionary, is:
"de·lu·sion·al [dih-loo-zhuh-nl] adjective 
1. having false or unrealistic beliefs or opinions
2. maintaining fixed false beliefs even when confronted with facts, usually as a result of mental illness"
So, I contend that someone who is selfish is facing a state of delusion. The problem is that we confuse intelligence or education with being "smarter", so we believe they are lying or just stupid, but they can't be if they have a high IQ and an education, right?
They can still be self deluded or delusional. The fact that some people are allowed to believe that being delusional is okay is OUR FAULT because we let people slide by on the (those inappropriate actions described in appropriate sounding language again) excuses and rationalizations that they make, like the idea that money is free speech (as if money is free) and the oldest bullshit line on the books, "I am entitled to my own opinion".
This is a misnomer. Let me explain why:
The definition of opinion is:
o·pin·ion [uh-pin-yuhn] noun
1. a belief or judgment that rests on grounds insufficient to produce complete certainty.
2. a personal view, attitude, or appraisal.

In other words, OPINION is a belief based on NO FACTS or GROUNDS SUFFICIENT ENOUGH TO PRODUCE CERTAINTY IN AN ANSWER.

Let's look at delusional again, quickly, once more:
" ... maintaining fixed false beliefs even when confronted with facts, usually as a result of mental illness"
And now let's look at someone who thinks their opinion is more important than that big "R" word most of us try to adhere to, REALITY:
"... a belief or judgment that rests on grounds insufficient to produce complete certainty."
Both are an OPINION "a belief or judgement" based on "grounds insufficient to produce complete certainty" because they are usually wrong and based on either fear, greed, or both and have a way of allowing some people to forgive themselves for being an asshole. I believe the original texts that describe "sins" in the religious books were about "character defects" that one can admit are the problem, IF you haven't become completely delusional about it, which some people are. 
So, the next time your neighbor or Uncle Fud, the family conservative, Fox News watching, completely delusional, irrational, antithesis of the word "serene" pokes up his angry head and starts babbling on about something completely delusional, we need to remember NOT TO get angry (I know that is almost impossible) but we must try to do the direct approach and LAUGH right in their face. If you get angry, he will just say you are just like him only have different beliefs, but when you laugh at him, he only has two options. Either he can run away (which will clear your hearing space so you won't have to endure it) or he can go somewhere in shame and look at himself. (IF YOU GET MAD, DELUSIONAL PEOPLE THINK YOU HAVE PROVED THEIR POINT.) If you don't believe me, try yelling at a drunk some time and see how much good that does.

There are people out there who give themselves and other delusional people an excuse to stay in a state of delusion. We need to be the people in the life boats, confronting them without anger. 











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